i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
