Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
