I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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