we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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