you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
