I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have post one night stand depression
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