he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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