She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was like eating out sand paper
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
