the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
