Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
