Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
