I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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