I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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