i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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