so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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