Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
