Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I AM VODKA MAN
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize