Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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