Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
