She announced her abortion via fbk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
