Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize