omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
