toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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