We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
