glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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