Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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