You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
