I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
