yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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