There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
