Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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