My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
