i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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