Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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