Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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