Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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