I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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