I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
