I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
