You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
