I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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