Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
