So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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