I wanna bring you to show and tell
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
