My room smells like vodka and shame
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
