Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
