I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
