I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
