I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
