there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My dick has a subreddit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
