"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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