I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
