OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize