Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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