I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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