just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
