my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
