I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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