there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
