Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
