You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
