I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
