So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
