I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
