so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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