We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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