I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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