from now on my penis is your penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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