38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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