It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
did i just pee glitter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
