Apparently you make a good broom.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
