Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
