Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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