She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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