Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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