i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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