He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
