last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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