My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
