oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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