That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
