The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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