I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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