Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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