she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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