Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
