can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Randomize
