can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
