If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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