My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
