the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am mentally ready for anal.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
