How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
