Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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