im six kinds of drunk right now
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
